I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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