There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
