So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
