oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have post one night stand depression
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
