Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
