I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
