I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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