I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
