in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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