He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
