My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
