i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
