Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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