You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
