GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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