It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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