He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
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I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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