wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
