i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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