and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
