yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
