I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
