man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
