Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
