yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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