1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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