Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
