i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
