Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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