Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
