he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize