I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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