..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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