I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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