i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
