i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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