yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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