ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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