and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
