So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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