YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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