Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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