and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
