just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
