drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
please come you make the beer taste better
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
