Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
