he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
