Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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