No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
