Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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