The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
