Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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