OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
