its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
