the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
