there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize