my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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