I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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