I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
