arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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