Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
