I just made out with a guy for $7.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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