Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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