are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
