I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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