I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just puked most of my soul out..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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