I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
