Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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