I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
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