did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
