And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
