You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
