Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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