I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
