I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
