apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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