Where is the hickey?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
