they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
